The webinar I ran last month sparked some great questions. One discussion in particular surrounded how to deal with craptastic feelings. You know, the kind you just want to numb out, because dealing with them is so darn uncomfortable. Like crawl-out-of-your-skin kind of horrible.
It could be boredom, fatigue, loneliness, anxiety. But here’s the catch:
What We Resist, Persists
In that way, craptastic, unpleasant feelings are like ghosts in an old haunted house. Think of any totally cheesy, b-rated, horror movie. There were ghosts that haunted the old mansion and the victims kept running and running form them.
When they finally came face to face with the ghosts, they weren’t so terrifying after all, in fact, all they really wanted was to be heard. They had a message, or a story that needed to come to light. The ghost needed the victim to listen to them and be with their message.
Unpleasant Feelings Are Ghosts That Haunt You
It’s the same with those craptastic feelings. If you run from them, they are going to haunt you in hot pursuit.
But if you be with them, that’s right, just sit with them, they dissolve. And there’s a message within. An opportunity or learning.
So how do you do this? How do you be with something that’s so unpleasant?
The RAIN Method
Dr Tara Brach teaches a mindfulness-based method for this called RAIN. This is how it goes:
R = Recognize
Recognize the unpleasant feeling is present.
A = Allow it
This step may feel alien at first and you may resist it, hard. But try not to. Try to allow the feeling to be there instead of pushing it away, numbing it out or glossing over it.
I= Investigate it
Where do you feel it in the body? What does it feel like? Does it bring images to mind? Other thoughts? What does it remind you of?
N = Non-identification
Try not identifying with it and taking it on to gigantic proportions. Instead of “I AM so pissed of” (am = identifying with) try “a pissed off feeling is present”. This lessens the grip of it and allows it to pass or dissolve more easily.
I highly recommend trying this!
And hey, if you missed the webinar, CLICK HERE to get the full video training.
What about you? What feelings haunt you like ghosts? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.